As I sit down to write this, I'm already imagining the controversy this post is going to generate. But before I go too far down the path, let me say that this is not an anti-bullying bashing party.  It's an attempt to explain what is fatally wrong with our attempts to end the bullying epidemic in our schools and communities.

I believe the "anti-" approach is wrong.

In many of my presentations that I give across the country to parents, educators and administrators, I use a quote that Mother Teresa once said about our attempts to end global conflict and a request that she appear at an event. She responded by saying

"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there." - Mother Teresa

I use this quote a lot because it seems we have the same problem with "anti-bullying."  We're calling attention to the wrong thing, and, very much too late in the game.

If you know much about brain functioning, you may have heard that our human brains have difficulty computing negatives. It's as though the brain has to do a double-take and "reprocess" the information when it encounters something like "don't" or "can't." The study of neurolinguistics is finding some very interesting results that seem to back this up.  An article I recently came across may suggest that using the words "don't" when trying to change negative behavior may be actually unwittingly supporting that negative behavior.

I'll try to summarize this but you can read the full article here.   One example the author uses is the effect of telling yourself, when in a stressful situation, "Don't panic."  If you hear a fire alarm in a crowded gymnasium and repeatedly tell yourself "Don't panic, don't panic" you may find yourself breaking into a run in spite of your best intentions.  This effect is referred to as "negation."

Now, imagine you are a young child in the same situation.  Children are believed to be more susceptible to negation's effects, so the "don't" message that we are trying to teach them. Tell a toddler, "Don't touch" invariably causes that child to want to reach out even more strongly.

I can personally vouch for my brain's "don't" disconnect. Any of you play golf?  Ok, in that case, here's a real-life scenario for you and tell me if this hasn't happened to you: Continue Reading »

Last week, the story from Deerfield Beach, Florida was that two of the three teens accused of setting fellow Deerfield Middle School classmate Michael Brewer on fire received jail time for their deeds. (BTW: in case you didn't know, this is the same school that saw the dreadful beating incident of Josie Lou Ratley by Wayne Treacy).

In 2009, Michael was set aflame by three of his classmates to the degree that he had to jump in a nearby pool in order to put out the flames. Michael suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns over nearly 2/3rd of his body.

According to the story in the Miami Herald, both teens pled "no contest" which means that they are willing to accept whatever punishment the court hands out, but does not admit guilt.  In addition to the jail time they were sentenced to, the perpetrators were given 18-21 YEARS of community service. When you consider that these young men are themselves 18 and 17 years old, you can see that they will be living with the results of their actions for a very long time.

One point I found troublesome in the article: Continue Reading »

Last week I announced that my latest book in the "Education Reform and Other Myths" series was published and available.  Now, a week later, I'm excited to share that "Breaking the Bullying Culture" has become an Amazon #1 best seller in the category of Education Public Policy!

Today, you can get your copy of "Breaking the Bullying Culture" for free on Amazon Kindle. Visit the link below to take advantage of the offer.

Of course, if you are an Amazon Prime member, you can get your copy for free anytime -- and you can "borrow" it just like from a library.

http://www.amazon.com/Education-Reform-Other-Myths-ebook/dp/B00772XLHS/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_t_1

Thanks to all of you who have helped make this book #1! I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback and reading your reviews. I hope this helps those of you who are concerned about the problem of bullying in our schools and communities!